Rin's Smile and Sesshomaru's Decision
by Amara Anon
Summary: What happens to Rin and Sesshomaru when Rin grows up? 10 years after Sesshomaru revives Rin, Sesshomaru is beset by terrible visions, which lead him to make a lifealtering decision... [Sequel also up]
1. The Vision

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.

**Chapter One: The Vision**

It was ten years since Sesshomaru had used the Tenseiga to revive Rin. In that time, she had gone with Sesshomaru on all his travels, never ceasing to follow after him no matter what dangers lay ahead. And through it all, Sesshomaru was her vigilant protector, always keeping a watchful eye out for her and ensuring her every need.

Even though Sesshomaru was a man of few words, Rin knew from his actions that he cared for her.

After thieves had murdered her entire family in front of her own eyes when she was a young girl, Rin didn't know if she could ever feel safe again. She had hidden while the thieves savaged her family and ransacked her home. After she was orphaned, the other villagers treated her poorly. She was alone in the world, and no longer knew the comfort of a mother's kiss, or the safety of a father's hand.

Then she met Sesshomaru while he lay injured in the woods. She tried to rescue him, but he would reject her offerings of food.

One day, she brought him some food after the villagers had beaten her badly for stealing fish from the village pond.

That's when it happened. Sesshomaru asked her what happened to her face.

It was the first time anyone had shown any concern for her since her family died. And for the first time since their death, Rin smiled.

Sesshomaru had never made anyone smile before.

The next day, when Rin was attacked by a pack of wolf-demons, Sesshomaru revived her with Tenseiga, and she'd been living with him ever since.

She felt safe with Sesshomaru, and she loved him for it. She had tried to rescue him when she was a girl, but it was he who ended up rescuing her. She never forgot that, through all her long journeys with Sesshomaru.

Rin had been with Sesshomaru and his servant Jaken for so long that the three of them had fallen into a routine. They would spend most of the day traveling to wherever Sesshomaru was trying to go. Along they way, they'd stop to allow Rin to raid whatever village's fields they were passing by for food. Sometimes Rin was left under Jaken's care while Sesshomaru tended to whatever business he had in the area. But they almost always ended their days together, sitting next to a campfire under the stars.

They were a small but close makeshift family. Even Jaken, who considered Rin to be a nuisance, had grown to view her as his little sister over the years. Jaken never understood—or could even begin to fathom—why Sesshomaru had used the Tenseiga to revive Rin, but he had come to accept it as a fact of life, as he did all Sesshomaru's unexplained decisions.

Over the years, Rin had come to take on some responsibilities of her own. She considered it her duty to look out for Sesshomaru the way he looked out for her. Occasionally, he would come back bruised after a battle, and Rin would tend his wounds.

Tonight was one such instance. Jaken had already gotten the campfire ready while they waited for Sesshomaru's return, when Sesshomaru appeared suddenly out of the woods.

"Lord Sesshomaru! You're back!" Rin exclaimed.

"Lord Sesshomaru!" said Jaken.

Sesshomaru grunted wordlessly and sat down painfully by the fire.

"Why Lord Sesshomaru, you're hurt again!"

Even though they had stayed in the same area for the last several days, each night Sesshomaru returned from his unnamed business showing signs of battle. He would leave Jaken and Rin in the morning, and be gone all day. Then, when he'd return to them at night, he was always hurt. It was extremely odd for him to be injured this often in succession, for he was a very powerful and feared demon.

"Let me help you," Rin cried, and ran to his side.

Sesshomaru remained silent as Rin went to work, his eyes watching her diligently. Time passed, and he could hear Jaken snoring softly on the other side of the fire.

"There, all done," Rin remarked as she finished dressing his wound. Her hand lingered on the bandage tenderly. She looked up and caught Sesshomaru's gaze, then blushed faintly. They passed a moment in silence when all of a sudden Sesshomaru spoke in a low voice.

"Rin, are you happy?"

Rin stared dumbfounded at Sesshomaru. In all the years she had known him, he had never asked such a question.

The firelight flickered off Sesshomaru's eyes.

"Of course I'm happy, Lord Sesshomaru. I'm with you," Rin offered before venturing tentatively, "Why do you ask?"

Sesshomaru did not answer, but his eyes looked solemn.

"Go to sleep, Rin."

Sesshomaru said no more, and Rin lay down, troubled by the incident. She spent a long time gazing up at the stars before she finally fell asleep.

Sesshomaru, on the other hand, fell asleep instantly, but it was not a peaceful rest. His dreams were disturbed by visions of his father's corpse, the great Inu no Taisho, burning on a pyre.

It was the same nightmare he'd been having for months. The image was so disconcerting that Sesshomaru could remember the very first night he'd dreamt it.

He'd been traveling across new territory that day with Jaken and Rin. They came across a hilltop covered with the most magnificent wildflowers of all shapes and colors. Rin seemed particularly amused by their vibrant glory. That's when Sesshomaru spotted it—a lone white flower of surpassing beauty hidden among the cacophony of colors. Without thinking, he picked it immediately and handed it to Rin.

"It reminds me of you," he said nonchalantly.

Then Rin did something Sesshomaru was not prepared for. She smiled. And the sight of it went straight to Sesshomaru's heart. That night, Sesshomaru had the vision of his father's burning body for the first time.

And it was plaguing him again now. Except, something was different about his dream this time. His father's face was starting to morph, to change shape. It was subtle at first, and Sesshomaru didn't understand what was happening. Then, with a sudden realization, Sesshomaru recognized the new figure. His father's face had turned into his own! It was his own dead body engulfed in the blood red flames!

Sesshomaru woke up with a gasp, his body trembling with sweat. As he panted, trying to catch his breath, his mind raced.

"I can't put this off any longer," he thought. And he resolved anew to carry out what he had already made up his mind to do.

Sesshomaru did not sleep any more that night.


	2. The Decision

**Chapter Two: The Decision**

"Rin, wake up!" a shrill voice cried.

Rin rubbed her eyes sleepily.

"Huh? What is it, Master Jaken?"

"We've got to get going! Lord Sesshomaru is on the move!"

Rin sat up quickly. Dawn had barely broken. They didn't usually set out quite so early, but sure enough, Rin could see Sesshomaru disappearing westward into the woods. She and Jaken hurried after him.

"Where are we going, Lord Sesshomaru?" Rin asked.

"Impertinent girl! It's none of our business!"

Rin ignored Jaken. She had long grown used to his sharp reprimands. Instead, she ran to catch up to Sesshomaru, who was walking steadfastly at a brisk pace.

"Lord Sesshomaru, where are we going?" Rin repeated.

Sesshomaru made no answer and kept his gaze straight ahead.

Rin shrugged and backed off. She was used to Sesshomaru acting aloof, but she couldn't help but feel that something was amiss, that Sesshomaru was making it a point of avoiding her eyes.

They walked until nightfall, with Sesshomaru never uttering a word. At length they came to the edge of the forest. In the distance, Rin could see a small village not far away.

Sesshomaru stopped walking and turned toward Rin.

"There," he said, pointing to the village.

"There, Lord Sesshomaru?" Rin was puzzled.

"For ten years, Rin, I have looked after you. You are a grown woman now. You don't need me anymore."

"Lord Sesshomaru, I don't understand . . ." Rin began, but Sesshomaru cut her off.

"You will go into that village, Rin. And I will leave here. And you will not follow me."

In that instant, all sound seemed to leave the forest. Where once wind blew, and leaves rustled, and creatures scurried, all noise vanished from Rin's ears. It was like Rin had to watch her family's death all over again. She stood there helpless, silent, tears beginning to stream down her face, her eyes filled with horror and pleading.

"I have spent the last few days destroying all demon tribes in the surrounding area," Sesshomaru continued as though nothing were out of the ordinary. "You will be safe here."

He still hadn't looked Rin in the eyes.

It was Jaken who spoke up first.

"You can't be serious, Lord Sesshomaru!" he cried in disbelief. "You're sending Rin away?"

Sesshomaru silenced him with one steely glare, and then turned back to Rin.

"Rin, stop crying," he said coldly.

Rin choked back her tears and implored Sesshomaru.

"Why are you doing this? Did I do something wrong?" Rin was confused.

"There will be no discussion. I've made up my mind!" Sesshomaru said it as much to himself as to Rin.

"Jaken, leave us. I wish to say good-bye to Rin alone."

"Yes, Lord Sesshomaru." Jaken stumbled off.

"You can't make me leave you," Rin said.

"Rin, do as I say."

"I'll just follow after you . . ."

"Rin."

"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME LEAVE YOU!" Rin shuddered with tears, gasping.

Sesshomaru paused before speaking calmly.

"You're a human, Rin. I'm a demon. You can't follow after me forever. You must live your own life."

"But you are my life!" Rin cried desperately, her lip quivering. "_I love you!_"

Sesshomaru looked Rin directly in the eyes for the first time that day. His face wore a look of astonishment. They stared at each other in silence, Rin blushing furiously at her daring pronouncement.

Sesshomaru's eyes softened for a moment, but then returned to their cold stance.

"No, Rin. That can never be."

"I love you!" Rin cried again, braver now, and she threw her arms around him in an embrace, sobbing firmly into his shoulder.

Sesshomaru stood still, but did not return the embrace. It was the first time Rin had ever touched him like that.

After a few moments, he released himself from her grasp and turned away.

"I'm sorry, Rin," he whispered. "Good-bye."

He walked away, leaving Rin sobbing, and was soon lost among the thick undergrowth of the forest.

Rin did not follow.


	3. The Void

**Chapter Three: The Void**

Jaken didn't understand Sesshomaru's decision, nor could he even begin to fathom why Sesshomaru did it, but like with all his other decisions, Jaken accepted it as a fact of life.

It was lonelier without Rin—and a hell of a lot quieter to be sure—and Jaken was surprised to find himself miss that silly human girl whom he had long considered a nuisance.

How Sesshomaru dealt with Rin's absence, he never knew for sure. Sesshomaru never talked about her, and Jaken didn't dare bring the topic up.

But something almost inconceivable about Sesshomaru's proud appearance changed. Jaken couldn't put his finger on it, but something was different about him. It wasn't that Sesshomaru was quieter—he had always been a quiet man. It wasn't that Sesshomaru was more solemn—he had never been one to show much emotion. And yet, Jaken sensed that the loss of Rin had left a hole in Sesshomaru that could not be filled.

The first few months without Rin were painfully awkward. Little things that Jaken had taken for granted changed. The first time after Rin left that Jaken saw a field perfect for raiding, he almost spoke up. He stifled himself at the last moment when he realized that there was no need.

"No," he thought, "We'll never have to raid a field again."

Sesshomaru was such a powerful demon that he wasn't often hurt in battle, but eventually there came a time when he needed a wound dressed, and Rin wasn't there to take care of him.

"Too tight, Jaken," Sesshomaru grunted, annoyed, when Jaken tried to do it.

"I'm sorry, Lord Sesshomaru," Jaken said apologetically, "It's been such a long time since I've done this. If only Rin were here."

Jaken regretted it as soon as the words slipped out of his mouth. He froze, horrified, waiting for Sesshomaru to react.

But Sesshomaru didn't even blink. It was as though he were trying to pretend that Rin had never existed.

The next day, as Sesshomaru and Jaken were traveling, they passed through a field of wildflowers. As Sesshomaru walked, a striking white flower just like the one he had picked for Rin once loomed up in front of him. He stood before it, contemplating it for a few moments while Jaken looked on. Then Sesshomaru proceeded to crush the flower beneath his foot, and walk away.

That night, Sesshomaru was haunted by terrible nightmares. He had thought that once Rin was gone they would cease, but they had only become more frequent and more gruesome. He no longer saw his father's burning corpse: it was always his own body that was aflame. Worse, it didn't just burn; it was severely mangled, too. There was a horrible wound in his chest as though someone had torn his heart out and eaten it.

Sesshomaru tossed and turned in his sleep as he dreamed. It was the same dream as usual—except, wait—something was different this time!

As Sesshomaru lay helpless in the pyre, he saw a figure in the distance. It was a woman—Sesshomaru couldn't make out her face—and he could hear her crying. As her sobs grew louder and louder, her tears grew larger and larger until they were the size of boulders. Soon they formed a river that washed over Sesshomaru. He was bathed in brilliant cool blueness. The flames went out, but he still couldn't move.

The waters receded and the woman began to walk toward him. Her face was covered in shadow, and she carried something small in her hands.

As she got closer, Sesshomaru could make out what she held—his heart! He knew that if only he could get back his heart, he would be able to move again.

"Please!" he begged silently. He couldn't speak. He was mute.

The woman continued to walk toward him. When she reached his side, she knelt down next to him and presented his heart.

With every fiber of his being Sesshomaru wanted to take it from her, but he had no control over his body. He watched in horror as his arm reached out of its own accord . . . and knocked his heart out of the woman's hands to the ground!

The woman sighed dejectedly and turned to go. Her face was still mysteriously blacked out.

Sesshomaru fought desperately for control over his voice.

"Wait!" he managed to cry out. "What happened to your face?"

The woman turned slowly back toward him. A light came over her face.

It was Rin, and she was smiling.

Sesshomaru woke up.


	4. The Smile

**Chapter Four: The Smile**

"We're leaving, Jaken."

Jaken opened his eyes slowly.

"Lord Sesshomaru?"

"We're leaving. Now."

Dawn hadn't come yet. Something wasn't right. Jaken hurried to his feet. Sesshomaru was already a dozen meters off, heading eastward.

Jaken dared not ask Sesshomaru what was going on. He merely ran after him obediently, like the loyal servant that he was.

They walked for a long time. However, eventually Sesshomaru grew more and more impatient.

"Jaken, get on my back."

Jaken obeyed, and Sesshomaru started to run.

He didn't stop running for many days

* * *

It had been a year since Sesshomaru had abandoned her at the village. In that time, Rin had adjusted to a very new way of life. She earned a living by working in the fields. Oftentimes, she'd be planting crops and it would cross her mind that not long ago, she would have been more likely to steal them than to plant them. 

Rin was lucky in that the villagers were nice to her. It seemed that Sesshomaru had done his research before choosing to leave her there. They took kindly to strangers, and it wasn't long before Rin had befriended a young farmer named Maruji.

They'd go for walks alone together, and Maruji always wanted to know about Rin's past. She'd tell him that she was an orphan, she spent her entire life wandering the country, and she never stayed in one place for long.

"But you'll stay here, right?" Maruji would always remark.

Rin wouldn't answer him.

"Sesshomaru will come back for me," she thought, "Sesshomaru will come and take me away from here, and we'll be together." She repeated it to herself everyday.

But as the days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months, Rin grew less and less confident in her mantra.

Finally, a day came when Rin realized that Sesshomaru would never come back for her. She had lost her family again. She would be alone in the world forever . . . unless she tried to make herself a new family . . . .

Over time, it became more and more apparent to Rin that Maruji was infatuated with her. And she herself had grown fond of him, although he didn't make her heart pound in her chest the way Sesshomaru had.

One day, as the sun was beginning to set, Maruji took Rin aside.

"Rin, I need to talk to you," he said.

"All right," she replied, and walked off with him.

"Beautiful Rin, I've known you now for a year. I must ask you something, and you must give me a real answer," Maruji began, "Promise me."

Rin hesitated for a moment. Then she said, "Yes, I promise."

"R-Rin," Maruji stuttered nervously, "Are you going to stay here in the village for good?"

Rin's mouth went dry as she tried to force an answer from her tongue.

* * *

Sesshomaru and Jaken had been traveling eastward for many days.

Jaken soon recognized that the forest they were in was the one outside the village where Rin resided. His pulse raced.

"Could Lord Sesshomaru be going back for Rin?" he thought.

The closer they got to the village, the faster Sesshomaru seemed to run. They soon reached the edge of the forest. Sesshomaru stopped.

"Jaken, wait here."

Sesshomaru left Jaken and made for the outskirts of the village. The sun was setting, so he didn't have to worry about anyone seeing him.

He sniffed the air and caught Rin's scent. She was nearby!

All of a sudden, Sesshomaru felt a pain in his side unlike anything he'd ever felt before. What was this new feeling engulfing his body . . .?

Fear.

Sesshomaru, the great and powerful demon—son of the legendary Inu no Taisho himself—felt fear for the first time in his long life. He didn't like it.

All of a sudden all sorts of uncertainties had struck him down. What would he say to Rin? How would she react to seeing him after all this time? And could he really go through with what he'd set out to do?

But all thought left him when his sharp ears picked up the sound of Rin's voice.

"All right," he heard her say, and Sesshomaru saw her step into view. She was walking with a handsome young man.

Sesshomaru hid and watched them, listening to their conversation out of view.

* * *

Rin wasn't sure how to answer Maruji's question. Would she stay in the village for good? After pondering for a moment, she thought to herself, "Of course I will. Sesshomaru abandoned me. This is my home now."

Rin looked up at Maruji with resolve. "Yes, Maruji. I'm staying here for good."

Maruji's eyes lit up. "Oh Rin, you have no idea how happy that makes me. In that case . . . I have something else to ask you." Maruji took a deep breath, and then said, "Rin, will you be my wife?"

The question stunned Rin into ice. Before she knew it, she'd said yes, and she was kissing him blindly, unaware of anything except the feel of his lips against hers until all of a sudden there was a flash of white and a thud, and when the world stopped spinning and she'd gained her bearings again, she realized that she was in the forest, carried by Sesshomaru.

* * *

Sesshomaru could hardly believe what he had just witnessed. There was Rin—_his_ Rin—with another man, promising to be his wife, and _kissing_ him.

It was more than Sesshomaru could stand. The blood boiled in his veins, his eyes turned red with rage, and before he knew it, before he had any awareness of his actions, his body, burning with jealousy, had leapt out of hiding, knocked the young man to the ground, and carried Rin off into the forest.

Now he put Rin down gently. She stared at him, mouth agape. Neither spoke for what seemed like eternity.

Finally, Rin uttered, "What are you doing here?"

"Rin, you're coming with me," Sesshomaru said simply. He turned and started to walk off, expecting to hear the sound of Rin's feet following him like it had always been.

Instead, he heard, "No."

Sesshomaru stopped in his tracks and slowly turned around.

"What did you say?" It was almost a whisper.

"I said I'm not going."

"Rin."

"What do you think you're doing, coming back here telling me to come with you like I'm some kind of property? You're the one who left me, Sesshomaru."

Sesshomaru flinched. Rin had never addressed him so familiarly before.

"Since when do you call me that?" he asked.

Rin paused and said cooly, "I'm independent now. You're my equal."

The words shocked him, but after a moment, Sesshomaru looked straight into her eyes and said softly, "That's what I want, Rin. Let me explain."

"Yes, I want you to explain," Rin said, her anger growing, "I want you to explain why you left me here. Do you really _hate_ me that much?"

Sesshomaru was silent for a long time. He stood there, gazing into Rin's eyes. The only sound that could be heard was the wind rustling through the trees. When Sesshomaru finally spoke, there was an emotion in his voice that Rin had never heard before.

It was shame.

"I'd fallen in _love_ with you, Rin," Sesshomaru's voice choked, but he continued, "I, Sesshomaru, who had spent my entire life abhorring my father for loving a mortal woman, had fallen in love with a human."

Sesshomaru took a breath, and then he went on. "Do you know how my father died, Rin?"

Rin seemed frozen with shock, but she managed to shake her head.

"He died protecting the human he loved. And when I realized how I felt about you, visions of my father's corpse began to plague me—constant reminders of my disgust at how he died . . . and how he lived. And now I loved a human, too. My self-loathing overpowered me, Rin."

Sesshomaru paused, perhaps for rest, Rin thought. She couldn't remember the last time Sesshomaru had talked so much.

"I was a fool," Sesshomaru continued plainly. "I thought that I couldn't be with you, that I couldn't allow myself to become like my father. But my life . . . is _nothing_ without you.

"I came here," he went on, "To ask for your forgiveness and—" he broke off momentarily and looked at his feet, then whispered, "To ask you if you would stay with me. _Forever_."

Sesshomaru looked up. Rin was crying silently.

"Sesshomaru . . ."

Rin went to him, and he embraced her. They stayed together like that for a long time, Rin resting her head against his shoulder as he held her close. The sun had almost finished setting.

"I forgive you, Sesshomaru," Rin said quietly, and broke away from him gently.

"You have no idea how much I wanted this," Rin went on, "How much I _dreamed_ of this, waiting for your return."

"Rin . . ." Sesshomaru said, his voice hopeful.

"But now. . . I can't be with you. You were right. I'm a human. You're a demon. I have my own life now."

She paused, and then added, "My own family," and looked back in the direction of the village where Maruji lay knocked unconscious. He was starting to come to, and was looking around worriedly for Rin.

"I have to go to him," Rin whispered. She turned away from Sesshomaru and started to walk away.

"Rin, are you happy?"

The question hung in the air like a wall between them.

Rin turned back to Sesshomaru, and smiled. The sun finished setting.

Then, Rin walked back toward the village and was lost in the embrace of Maruji's arms.

Sesshomaru did not follow.

**THE END**

_Author's Note: Thank you for reading my first story! This idea came to me when I started thinking about what would happen to the characters when Rin grew up. Would Rin want to lead a normal human life, or would she want to stay with Sesshomaru? Would Sesshomaru make Rin leave him for her own good, or would he have some other, more selfish reason? Would Rin and Sesshomaru fall in love, and how would that affect their relationship? I thought about different scenarios, and this is what I came up with._

_So, I hope you enjoyed the story. But since this is my first fan fiction, I would be really grateful for feedback and constructive criticism. What did you like, and what didn't you like? Were the situations and dialogue believable? Did anyone act out of character? Did each character exhibit their own voice? Was anything confusing? Were the symbolism and duality handled well? Was the story too long, too short, or just right? And what can I do to improve as a storyteller?_

_Thanks again!_

_-Amara Anon_


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